spinach & egg sandwich

So despite being stuck working this GORGEOUS Sunday day I managed to scrounge up a meal in the video studio kitchen:

A touch of Olive oil in a pan with WAY TOO MUCH minced garlic, a smidge of water and a ton of spinach… THEN an egg over easy sprinkled with S/P, onion powder (since there were no ACTUAL onions), and some cayenne. Throw some Deli Turkey slices in the pan for a turn or two. Then layer all of that on two slices of whole wheat bread with a THICK slice of tomato and a slice of cheddar cheese…

All of this equals out to deliciousness…

becoming me...

Someone who I have grown quite close to over the past year had a very deep conversation with me today. More like I broke down and they responded with an answer that I already knew, but was unwilling/unable to accept. Over the past SEVERAL years Rene as I once knew her has dissipated into someone who I look at in the mirror and do not even recognize. I mean, physically it is me, but when I look at myself, or think about my life and decisions… its like meeting a complete stranger. In fact it has gotten to a point lately that I can’t even remember who I thought I once was, let alone who I am now.

Growing up I was not popular, I was the opposite of popular. If popular was the North Pole, I was hanging out with the penguins at the South Pole in a tuxedo I can now admit was tremendously low self-esteem. As I got older, I’d like to say that I shook off that view of myself and meandered my way a little closer to the equator. I’d like to say that. Truth is I spent my late teens learning how to fake it. So when, in my early twenties, I found people that I made laugh and WANTED to be around me, I thought I was happy. And at times I was. But it was fleeting, because any time I had to spend with the real me I would let down the fake airs I had created and be lost again (until the morning)!

That last paragraph is going to throw some people off. They were a part of my life then and they would, to this day, in fact at this moment, not believe that I wasn’t in control and on top of the world. But I wasn’t. I was still sitting at the South Pole wondering how people could walk around so easily and carefree. This constant obsession with EVERYONE ELSE was extremely tiring and by the time I was in my mid-twenties I was too tired to go on living that way.

So I gave up. I became a person that lived by the mantra “Love me or hate me, WHATEVER!” That worked out for a while and, thinking back now, those were perhaps the happiest and most fulfilling of my days. The only problem with that was I still didn’t REALLY know me. And really, how silly is it to tell some one they have to decide to love me or hate me if I have yet to define who “me” is?

I am learning that this progression is something that you cannot avoid forever. (You can avoid it, apparently, for at least 28 years!) At some point though, it starts to make you crazy… and indeed I have reached that point. Relationships falling apart, business suffering and worst of all, being on an EMOTIONAL ROLLERCOSETER.

This is not a I-woke-up-today-and-my-world-fell-apart moment. This is a I-have-been-screaming-on-the-inside-for-what-seems-like-eternity moment. And I have been contemplating now for weeks, months even, on how to remove myself from this “funk” as I have so lazily named it.

So today, when I candidly explained to my friend that I felt like I was filled with The Nothing (a Never Ending Story reference - the nothing was this black cloud that chased the main character and took over the world sucking all of the light and happiness from it) … I know, a bit melodramatic right? But it is the only way I can describe what it feels like inside. The Nothing. Even if I am graced with a moment of happiness, if I try to internalize it, The Nothing gets it… and then its just gone.

Right, so. I sit and I ask myself, how do I get better? How do I bring myself back? The truth is, as I was so explained today, I need to figure out who I am. And my first challenge is to find a “quiet place” to be alone with myself (God is on the invitation too) and dig deeply into the definition of me.

Let me be clear I am writing this now not to get people to feel bad for me (DO NOT FEEL BAD FOR ME) and not to make people think that I am suicidal (I AM NOT SUICIDAL) instead I want to reach out and share. I am certain that someone out there is feeling the same way (at least similarly) as I am/have been… to you I say this: you are NOT alone. I have believed that I was alone for a LONG time now. I may not have much to give right now… but I am here. I am with you. I understand, and although the time may not be right now… one day soon you will be ready for a change. You will be ready to become the you that you are destined to be… and this is my story (to show you it IS possible) of ME becoming ME…

my (ultimate) to do #1: butter chicken curry at karim's

Being the traveler that I am in my heart, albeit it perhaps only in my heart… when a friend of mine encouraged me to build a bucket list, I of course went WAY overboard. What came of this casual suggestion are notebooks filled with pictures and descriptions. Places. Sights. Scenes. Events. Festivals. Buildings. Food. Drinks. Paths. Ancient and New. Beauty. 


And they are now going to be here for you to see, to live vicariously through Google, the Travel Channel and the rest of the Internet with me :) So, in no particular order here is my (ultimate) to do list (aka the GREAT R WOOD BUCKET LIST):


#1 Get the butter chicken curry at Karim’s near Jama Masjid in Old Delhi, India

Karim’s is located in Old Dehli… Dehli was founded as Shahjahanabad by Mughal Emperor Shahjahn in 1639. It remained the capital until the end of the Mughal dynasty. It was once filled with mansions of nobles and members of the royal court, along with elegant mosques & gardens. Today it still serves as the symbolic heart of metropolitan Delhi.


It is approximately shaped like a quarter cìrcle, with the Red Fort as the focal point. The old city was surrounded by a wall with 14 gates.

The surrounding walls originally of mud, were replaced by red stone in 1657.  The walls have now largely disappeared, but most of the gates are still present. The township of old Delhi is still identifiable in a satellite image because of density of houses.


So #1 is to grab some butter curry chicken from Karim’s, but while in Old Dehli, I want to check out some of the still standing gates and the Red Fort!


Where do YOU want to go? What is on your bucket list?

why not start now?

It is so true! I wonder all the time (particularly pertaining to me getting back in shape) why I didn’t start last week. Last month. Last year. So today I am starting. This is a journey for me to get to know myself better. To understand what I want. I may ultimately want happiness, but how can I (how can anyone) FIND happiness if they haven’t decided who they are and what they want.

So welcome to the process of growth that is MY life… and along the way, I would love your input. No man (or woman) is an island, and I am sure that there is someone out there that can share something with me that will provide me with an “aha” moment. Is that you? And who knows…. maybe you can learn something from (or with) me!

What do you wish you had already begun? How will you motivate yourself to ACTUALLY START??

how will you be remembered?

When your day comes (and it comes for all of us) to move on from this world, how will you be remembered? Caring, giving, smart, funny? A hard worker? Too often we allow ourselves to be defined by what we do rather than what we do be defined by who we are. Every choice we make should be based on those things which we hold dearly. What are your pillars? Where is your foundation?

You can build a mansion in the sand, but it will float out to sea with the first great wave. A soft foundation will wash away. But if your foundation is SOLID, and you are rooted in strong ground, on rock… no matter how great or small the house you build is, it will stand. It will stand the rain and the sun, the snowstorms and sandstorms that life will hurl at you. 

If you hold your values dear to you and you WORK to uphold who you are in what you choose to say and do, then you will never have to worry about your legacy. See, because the thing is, when you are gone you can’t explain yourself. You can’t give a why for your actions. They stand alone. So what will your actions tell your children? Your grandchildren? The world? How will YOU be remembered? 

What are some of your values? Your goals? How do you want to be remembered? What do you want your legacy to be?

The 100s

Found this on Very Good Taste (a food blog out of the UK). Figured I'd do it for fun. Like a bucket list for cuisine:
*bold means I've already eaten it

The VGT Omnivore’s Hundred:

1. Venison
2. Nettle tea
3. Huevos rancheros
4. Steak tartare
5. Crocodile
6. Black pudding
7. Cheese fondue
8. Carp
9. Borscht
10. Baba ghanoush
11. Calamari
12. Pho
13. PB&J sandwich
14. Aloo gobi
15. Hot dog from a street cart
16. Epoisses
17. Black truffle
18. Fruit wine made from something other than grapes
19. Steamed pork buns
20. Pistachio ice cream
21. Heirloom tomatoes
22. Fresh wild berries
23. Foie gras
24. Rice and beans
25. Brawn, or head cheese
26. Raw Scotch Bonnet pepper
27. Dulce de leche
28. Oysters
29. Baklava
30. Bagna cauda
31. Wasabi peas
32. Clam chowder in a sourdough bowl
33. Salted lassi
34. Sauerkraut
35. Root beer float
36. Cognac with a fat cigar
37. Clotted cream tea
38. Vodka jelly/Jell-O
39. Gumbo
40. Oxtail
41. Curried goat
42. Whole insects
43. Phaal
44. Goat’s milk
45. Malt whisky from a bottle worth £60/$120 or more
46. Fugu
47. Chicken tikka masala
48. Eel
49. Krispy Kreme original glazed doughnut
50. Sea urchin
51. Prickly pear
52. Umeboshi
53. Abalone
54. Paneer
55. McDonald’s Big Mac Meal
56. Spaetzle
57. Dirty gin martini
58. Beer above 8% ABV
59. Poutine
60. Carob chips
61. S’mores
62. Sweetbreads
63. Kaolin
64. Currywurst
65. Durian
66. Frogs’ legs
67. Beignets, churros, elephant ears or funnel cake
68. Haggis
69. Fried plantain
70. Chitterlings, or andouillette
71. Gazpacho
72. Caviar and blini
73. Louche absinthe
74. Gjetost, or brunost
75. Roadkill
76. Baijiu
77. Hostess Fruit Pie
78. Snail
79. Lapsang souchong
80. Bellini
81. Tom yum
82. Eggs Benedict
83. Pocky
84. Tasting menu at a three-Michelin-star restaurant.
85. Kobe beef
86. Hare
87. Goulash
88. Flowers
89. Horse
90. Criollo chocolate
91. Spam
92. Soft shell crab
93. Rose harissa
94. Catfish
95. Mole poblano
96. Bagel and lox
97. Lobster Thermidor
98. Polenta
99. Jamaican Blue Mountain coffee
100. Snake

50/100 - :( only 50% so far, but I'm not sure if I can get down with the "roadkill"

Barbara from Tigers & Strawberries came up with the Vegetarian Hundred:

The Vegetarian Hundred

1. Real macaroni and cheese, made from scratch and baked
2. Tabouleh
3. Freshly baked bread, straight from the oven
4. Fresh figs
5. Fresh pomegranate
6. Indian dal of any sort
7. Imam bayildi
8. Pressed spiced Chinese tofu
9. Freshly made hummus
10. Tahini
11. Kimchi
12. Miso
13. Falafel
14. Potato and pea filled samosas
15. Homemade yogurt
16. Muhammara
17. Brie en croute
18. Spanikopita
19. Fresh, vine-ripened heirloom tomatoes
20. Insalata caprese
21. Stir-fried greens
22. Freshly made salsa
23. Freshly made guacamole
24. Creme brulee
25. Fava beans
26. Chinese cold sesame peanut noodles
27. Fattoush
28. New potatoes
29. Coleslaw
30. Ratatouille
31. Baba ganoush
32. Winter squash
33. Roasted beets
34. Baked sweet potatoes
35. Plantains
36. Chocolate truffles
37. Garlic mashed potatoes
38. Fresh water chestnuts
39. Steel cut oats
40. Quinoa
41. Grilled portabello mushrooms
42. Chipotle en adobo
43. Stone ground whole grain cornmeal
44. Freshly made corn or wheat tortillas
45. Frittata
46. Basil pesto
47. Roasted garlic
48. Raita of any type
49. Mango lassi
50. Jasmine rice (white or brown)
51. Thai vegetarian coconut milk curry
52. Pumpkin in any form other than pie
53. Fresh apple pear or plum gallette
54. Quince in any form
55. Escarole, endive or arugula
56. Sprouts other than mung bean
57. Naturally brewed soy sauce
58. Dried shiitake mushrooms
59. Unusually colored vegetables (purple cauliflower, blue potatoes, chocolate bell peppers…)
60. Fresh peach ice cream
61. Chevre
62. Medjool dates
63. Kheer
64. Flourless chocolate cake
65. Grilled corn on the cob
66. Black bean (or any other bean) vegetarian chili
67. Tempeh
68. Seitan or wheat gluten
69. Gorgonzola or any other blue veined cheese
70. Sweet potato fries
71. Homemade au gratin potatoes
72. Cream of asparagus soup
73. Artichoke-Parmesan dip
74. Mushroom risotto
75. Fermented black beans
76. Garlic scapes
77. Fresh new baby peas
78. Kalamata olives
79. Preserved lemons
80. Fried green tomatoes
81. Chinese scallion pancakes
82. Cheese souffle
83. Fried apples
84. Homemade frijoles refritos
85. Pasta fagiole
86. Macadamia nuts in any form
87. Paw paw in any form
88. Grilled cheese sandwich of any kind
89. Paneer cheese
90. Ma Po Tofu (vegetarian style–no pork!)
91. Fresh pasta in any form
92. Grilled leeks, scallions or ramps
93. Green papaya salad
94. Baked grain and vegetable stuffed tomatoes
95. Pickled ginger
96. Methi greens
97. Aloo paratha
98. Kedgeree (the original Indian version without the smoked fish, not the British version with fish)
99. Okra
100. Roasted brussels sprouts

43/100 - even worse :/

going "home"

This past weekend we spent the weekend at my mother’s new house in Cocoa. My sister had miraculously (and accidentally) ended up with the weekend off work and I didn’t have any video work scheduled so we broke down and drove the hundred and some odd miles up to her place.

This was the first time my sister had been to the house and the first time I had been since the boxes were unpacked. Seeing all the pieces of a life there was powerful. And not just all the school photos from my brother, sister and I growing (although they pulled at my heartstrings as well). It is the furniture. The paintings of my great-grandfathers. Nana’s rocking chair. Grandpa’s photography. The old milk crates that my mom refuses to replace with a bookcase packed with books that I remember from my childhood and some I’ve never seen before. The art from Japan. The rugs from Europe. The fact that you could look at the house from any angle and see something ELSE beautiful.

I noticed the small things. The brown pumice stone not just in a basket, but in a basket filled with smooth river rocks. The circular mirror in the room with rectangular wall panels.

It was touching.

We ate well. We laughed. We joked. We played Sorry (although the taped together box was missing several of the colorful plastic - so we played with quarters, nickels and dimes instead).

All in all it was a phenomenal weekend.